Saturday, September 15, 2012

Happy and Optimistic

Today I am happy. The feeling is familiar, but I've not been this way for months. 2012 has been a strange year. Started off well enough, but I soon found myself in a cloak of low grade anxiety, diminished expectations, general unease. Plus months of itching, burning, dry, inflamed skin. Such skin is not a good place in which to live. A steroid shot, cortisone cream and Calamine provide temporary relief, but it never goes away. Cutting gluten, rice, corn, dairy and most legumes from my diet help too, but something still provokes my skin. I do not have skin that is easy to live in. What's it trying to tell me?
And are these 2012 moods all chemically induced? The unease and today, total ease? What happened to me this morning besides the fact that I've not taken that pill for high blood pressure which always makes me sleepy and a bit knocked out for the day? It can't just be that.
Last night, I was up and awake between 2:15 and 4:30 a.m., but then slept until 8:00 a.m. I spent the awake time deleting Paris photos from my iPhone. There are now fewer than 1200 images stored. It was a good thing to delete images that are already backed up in three other places. And I relived the moment each photo was taken so that now, I am so into that wonderful trip.
There are no specific plans for today and perhaps being wide open allowed good things to happen. We do have a guest for supper. He and I made a deal - I'll prepare a really nice meal in trade for editing that tangle of computer wires that connect my old Apple hard drive to screen and keyboard. I've not turned it on for years and need to get rid of it and the countless wires. The table hasn't been set, but I know what we'll eat.
Today, I feel myself 'in the zone' and I remember feeling like that as I worked on 'Second Seating.' I love this state. Who wouldn't?  Considering that I've had a tough time writing anything of worth lately,  or really accomplishing anything at all, this 'in the zone' state is good news.
This morning, I was happy to prepare ES a breakfast with bacon, two fried eggs and toast. We ate and read the papers. The new gardener arrived for a second Saturday and the place looks better than gorgeous. I sense possibility and my body feels in alignment today. No weird muscle soreness in hip or legs. The sleep apnea machine must be working well. No atrial fib. Still itching, but there is Calamine. My extended family is experiencing angst, illness and a life altering event. Politics continues to ravage our great country. Most days, such happenings alter my being. Today, they are present, yet possibility and ease are also present.
Again, I ask, are these mood changes from bad to better simply body chemistry?
Today, my personal world shifted and for the life of me, I cannot explain why.

No comments: